We'll make you an offer you can't refuse

Yesterday I went to see the company which left some weird impressions during and after the first meeting. It was a first impression, and I decided to give them a second chance. For several reasons, but mostly since I firmly believe everyone deserves a second chance.

The second meeting had a much more relaxed atmosphere. Turns out they were genuinely impressed when I answered 'four' to the question how many kids I have. Yes, I know, they cannot legally ask such questions, but it is a small company and I don't see how making that a secret would help me in getting a job with them. If having four kids would be a hurdle, I'd probably never be happy in a job there.

Anyway, the discussion was good, I got to ask some critical questions and point out both my strengths and flaws. Same issue here: everyone has flaws. Pretending to be perfect will not help me in finding a job that fits. The others around the table seemed to have a similar opinion.

In general there was a good click and after 50 minutes I was told they would make me an offer. That was a surprise, as I never considered this an official job interview. However, I even managed to chime in that my preference would be a job for 4 days a week initially, which seemed to be no problem at all.

Back home I didn't quite know what had hit me. Part of me was thrilled that there are apparently still people who value others for their skills and are willing to take a leap of faith with someone who doesn't quite fit the default company profile. Another positive thing: I can use this in negotiations with other potential employers, including my current one. Beware! The lady has leverage and is not afraid to use it!

Another part of me is scared sh!tless: taking up this offer means I really have to leave astronomy. Apparently I'm not as ready for that as I had thought. It feels like an enormous loss, and I am genuinely sad about it. Astronomy is what I wanted to do since I was 8 years old, I cannot imagine doing something else. The ivory tower is all I have known for almost 20 years. Outside it looks cold and barren, and I'm scared to leave.